I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus
With my sincere apologies to Clement Moore and family (and a stellar reason as to why I don't teach poetry) -
‘Twas the week before Christmas and all through the house,
Pulling my hair out, scurrying like a mouse
The stockings are here, but the cat? Oh dear
So when is that St. Nicholas man coming here?
The girls were sprawled out with yarn on their lap
When I thought to myself, “I could use a long nap.”
But the Flyer with his Tumi and the dog with her bone
Would soon make a case to leave well enough alone.
Out in the kitchen there arose such a clatter
I jumped from the table to see what was the matter.
But on the way to the oven, I tripped over a case
And fell on the floor, sprawled flat on my face. 
The Flyer, he sighed, saying, “I thought I put that away,”
And picked up the needles before I could say,
“Was that a set of rosewood DPNs on the kitchen floor?”
As I tried to convince him to show me once more.
The dog, bless her soul, came running in from the cold
And jumped on my back which wasn’t too bold.
She’s a lab, full of energy and kind of a beast
So I must have looke like a right proper feast.
Oh cashmere, oh silk, oh alpaca wool blend!
Oh stockings and hats and all socks I must mend!
Now merino, now soy, now silly bamboo,
Now Brown Sheep, now Elann, now lovely Knit Picks!
“But think of the slippers I could knit with those things!”
And flew through the house like a demon with wings.
Were they under the tree? Were they on a high shelf?
Betty said, “Mom, get a hold of yourself.”
“The knitting will wait, you still have work to do here.
Your parents, yes them, will knock in less than a year.”
(Actually to be fair, they will knock in less than three days
But this rhyme scheme is getting a bit old, don’t you think?)
But the gauge swatch was calling my name on the wind,
“Ava, sweet Ava, just look once again.
I’m sure that the rosewoods are easy to find
If you want it enough, you’ll get out of your bind.”
My hands started shaking, the knitting DTs,
We’ve been through it before, without resorting to ease.
You all know the type: fun fur and quick knits to boot
Only later - “That looks likes shit,” your kids say with a hoot.
Veronica calmly sat down and tossed me a ball.
“Knit one, mom, purl two,” she began as a call.
My finger responded to her knitting commands
And I saw that a rib was forming under my hands.
I can do this, I thought, I can get through the day
And the yarn began to act in a magical way.
The tensions of the week that weighed heavy on my head
Took a pity on my soul and floated to bed.
So the scarf looked like crap and I frogged it right quick
I knew that in no time, I could leave it all up to St. Nick.
The hand knits will wait ‘til birthdays come right?
Merry Christmas to all and to all a goodnight.
* The swatches, which I dutifully knit this weekend, are from AllHemp6 for Eiffel (the first one) and Peru Luxury for an unknown sweater for which I need my head examined. Oh, Lola, there may not be enough schnapps for this one!
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